College Student Solves Gun Debate, Saves Lives

The purpose of this blog has long been to espouse oddball views– things that no self-respecting Congressman would so much as make reference to lest it haunt him when his opponents allude to his absurdity cone re-election, but thing that would work.

Today we take on gun control, which hasn’t been much debated since the “Obama wants to take my guns away” caused a spike in ammunition sales nationwide following the November Elections.

The problem with gun laws could be solved simply– with nonlethal guns.

Replace now-legal Uzi’s with Snoozi’s, load semi-automatics with pepper spray balls (prototypes were used briefly by U.S. police and referenced by Popular Science earlier this year), and no one would die of gun violence again.  That is, unless aimed at the eyes.  Power tool violence often encounters this problem anyway, as does writing utensil violence (see The Dark Knight for examples).  It would offer the gun rights and self-defense wanted by the NRA (which never has openly endorsed gun use for homicides), and the gun safety wanted by anti-casualty groups, or those who oppose the proliferation of lethal wounds.

As it turns out, much of this is completely possible.  Today, offered a mace pistol with a range of 25 feet for $55, and for the empowered woman with real class, a $299 Taser that shoots 15 feet and comes with a variety of stylish holsters.  A1 Self-Defense products now offers something that looks like a razor for combatting 5:00 shadow, except that it delivers 1.8 million volts: get it now for $99.95.  Just don’t leave it in the bathroom cabinet near the aftershave.

The Obama Administration’s Defense budget promises more research on the way– though like most military research, it will not be released for commercial use unless Blackwater dumps it at the nearest shooting range.  Tentative research on everything from pulse-energy projectiles, to entanglement devices, to slippery goos to fire on ground surfaces has been released.

After all, how often do we ever need to fire a metal projectile through a person’s epidermal layer in order to protect ourselves?  Temporarily blinding them would work all right: they won’t get far.

In short, all Americans have to do is compromise– an influx of weapons for a reduction in firearm-related deaths.  We don’t have a particularly rich history of willing compromises, but it certainly would be worth a shot.

A shot of tranquilizer fluid, in this case.


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